Saturday, July 18, 2015

Blue and Red


I am working and I am starting to realize that Fridays truly are an employee's saving grace. Work is exhausting but I think I'm actually starting to enjoy it. I'm still bummed that I don't get to see G a lot anymore but I've no choice. If I were to be truly independent, I know that this is something I must do. I know I need to move on. But still. I oftentimes wish that things were just a little bit more favorable in the love department. *sigh*

I think I'm happy though. And sad at the same time. So, cheers?
Side note: Marina and the Diamonds' Blue and
Taylor Swift's Red are my national anthems for July.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Sunday

11:06AM

Guilty pleasure. If I were to summarize this morning, it could be summed up into these two words. This morning I foolishly sacrificed my Sunday obligation for a chance to have breakfast with him. And as the aroma of tablea permeates our dorm room, I realize that this love affair's just as bittersweet. He succumbs to his room, and I, with my door open, wait for him to come out and come in.

6:17PM

Today we held hands. Well not really. We did go to church today and as 'Our Father' solemnly plays in the open arena, he suddenly invites me to hold his hand. And it felt like fitting two incompatible puzzle pieces together. I held his hands with all the care in the world and he just opened his palms: his walls so high, too high, that I realize I could no longer climb and overcome them. So this is how defeat tastes like: a tangy, bitter sensation on the tip of your tongue, like naming a childhood fruit that you failed to recognize.

11:54PM

They're moving to another room in a few days. And just like that I knew that he's drifting farther and further away. Chasing love is never easy. And I think might have stumbled on something so great that I'm already too incapacitated to finish the race.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Atticus, Amy and a Geisha

To Kill a Mockingbird was a spellbinding experience. It makes you realize that goodness is a tangible entity that lives and breathes-even in sleepy Southern towns- and that it can be found sometimes in the most unlikely places (or people, in this case). It speaks of morality and equality, the courage to get up and exercise it, and the circumstances involved with flowing against the current. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of those stories that will probably stay with me until I die.

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Reading Gone Girl was like riding a psychotic coaster ride. It starts with slow, staccatos and then takes you up and down with its many, many twists. To me though, Gone Girl isn't merely a story of a man who lost his psychotic wife, it is a platform that solidifies the basics in any relationship: Do you know who your partner is? And as the book mystifies: Are we still originals? Or are we merely collections of personalities that we scrapbook-ed from movies and books and songs and pop culture?

(Note: Write better diary entries because Amy Elliot Dunne does it better.)

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I regret not buying Memoirs of a Geisha when I had the chance to yesterday. The book is literally haunting me.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

A Prayer


Thank You Lord because Your grace and goodness is overflowing. Thank You Lord because You are with me in every endeavor that I jump into. Thank You Lord because You will open doors for me and bless me with a job that won't compromise the value system that you have instilled in me. Thank You Lord because You will keep me safe and secured. Thank You Lord because Your mercy endures forever. Thank you Lord because it is done.