Friday, October 31, 2014

Farewell (For Now)

Hi. This is to inform you that I will extend my blogging hiatus until the later weeks of May 2015. I am going to embark on a life-changing journey and in order to keep my focus, I've decided to sacrifice a few social media handles. I need to spend my time wisely for the next seven months and although I hate leaving the blogosphere, I have no choice. 

I will return, of course. Through God's grace, I pray that by that time, I'll finally have three extra letters after my name. Thank you for reading.


Monday, October 13, 2014

Dear Reader

We regret to inform you that the author of this blog is on a temporary hiatus from the blogosphere. Their computer's motherboard is broken making it difficult for him to regularly post (and tweet) anything. He has therefore decided to take time off to rest and focus on important personal matters (like staring at the ceiling and painting his nails). His writing will continue, of course, but on a different and more paper-ish platform. He hopes that his return (in a few days, or weeks) will offer a fresh perspective on his life and his writing. Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely, the voices inside his head.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Illustrations: Mark Antony and Caesar

Mark Antony and Caesar (299 x 305mm)
Colored pencils and gel ink pen on oslo.

"Marc Anthony and Caesar" was last night's attempt at juicing out creativity. I've always been fascinated by the ancient kingdoms and these two boys somewhat represent a timeless and legendary friendship that I wanted to portray. The piece is a fictional and romantic reinterpretation of the two legends. They're on a date on a Roman-themed carnival (even if Caesar's toga looks incredibly Greek). It's summer. And the breeze frolics with the sun's golden rays.

Saturday, October 4, 2014


Dear Lord,

My Almighty and omnipresent God, thank You for the gift of everyday. Thank You for my family and friends; for the simple joys life has to offer; for the good books to immerse myself into; for the challenges that will forge a better 'me'; and for providing us with our daily sustenance.

Lord, I humbly ask for Your forgiveness - for doing what is not right, and for not doing what is right. I pray that You will forgive me.

Lord, I pray for my future. I understand that it is uncertain, but I also understand that there are difficulties I am going to face. I am asking you to physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually prepare me. Remind me every single day about the value of good health. Help me maintain it. Encourage me to nourish my body with good food; my brain with good books; and my soul with good deeds, prayer and meditation. Do not let me be led astray Lord. Let the faith that You have planted in my heart bloom beautifully. 

I truly am grateful for the many opportunities and challenges You have granted me. I pray that I will live life according to Your grace. All these things I ask and pray through Jesus Christ, my Lord, my God and my savior. Amen.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Dear Smoker

Yesterday was terrible. It was the third of my 24-hour allergy installment and the cigarette smoke puffed by one of your comrades at the public market this morning only made matters worse. My eyes were watery and the unbearable heat is making me squeeze my lids tighter together. Seeing was difficult. And so was breathing as mucus dripped, incredibly clear and sticky, from my innocent nostrils. One concern was that sometimes there were red fragments on the mucus. I probably scratched my nose or sneezed too hard, but nonetheless, it was a paranoia-inducing experience. And that's not to mention the splitting headache and the eternal sleepiness involved whenever the allergy attacks. Doing anything was impossible that I had no choice but to succumb to bed if reading and writing and watching TV and surfing the internet were already unbearable.

And so, as a person whose main concern is to live a long, healthy, and happy life, I am pleading thou cigarette enthusiasts to indulge on thy vices more privately. Now first of all, I have nothing against you. I even know smokers who are a lot more successful than those who don't; and I am pretty much aware that we'll die in one way or another anyway whether we smoke or not. My plea therefore is a plea of sensitivity. I am humbly asking you to consider the environment before lighting your stick.

Allergies can be triggered by a lot of things - dust, pollen, or upon consistent nose rubbing - but cigarette smoke has a very special way of tickling and irritating noses (for me, at least). I am begging you. Please. At least do it whenever nonsmokers and/or people with allergies are not around. Because once we start sneezing, we never stop.


Nonsmoker/Someone with allergies

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Get Dressed Quickly

And he kissed you softly, tenderly, like the raisins you had this morning, sun-baked in the hot Californian plains. The scent of grape permeates the air; its malevolent scent fills the room with notes of bittersweet longing. Regrets and doubts wrestled with your thoughts but your carnal desires have suffocated you long enough that emancipation was your ultimate goal.

So you rode and rode his magnificent bull, slowly at first but faster and harder as the waves of infernal desire took over both of your bodies. Fireworks. And you both slumped on the bed - sweating and panting and tired and guilty.

Get dressed, you told yourself. Quickly! His wife's coming home in a few minutes.

Monday, September 29, 2014

On Work and Babies

I've lost the drive to write everyday. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that sometimes words are elusive. I've been busy for the past few days and sometimes work (not actual work, I'm still unemployed) has a crazy way of absorbing all your mental energy that at the end of the day, there's really nothing left but fragments and words that hardly make a decent sentence. I'm hoping that this fog clears by Wednesday though, otherwise I'd be dead by then.

* * * * * * * *

Anyway, we were very excited yesterday because it was the baby's first time in the sea. My cousin observed that the baby hated the shallow beach because the waves scare her so they took her somewhere deeper. She looked so cute on her photos wading on the water and walking on the sand that I instantly concluded that babies also have a way with work. They eliminate stress faster than I can finish this sentence.

Friday, September 26, 2014

A Game of Yes or No

1. Do you document your entire life on social media including every single meal you had, every single thing you do, and every single emotion you feel? Are you sure that you're merely expressing yourself and not begging for attention? 
2. Do you equate popularity and social relevance with the number of likes you get and the number of followers or friends you have? 
3. Do you 'Google before you post'? Do you view both sides of the coin before commenting on any social issue? 
4. Do you consider landing a spot on Philippine (or worldwide) trends as an actual achievement?  
5. Do you call people who criticize you 'haters'? 
6. Are you a pretentious slob who follows trends to look and feel cool?

Now is the perfect time to reassess your social media standing. Evaluate whether you share too much information. Weigh your pursuits. Are they socially relevant? Are your opinions informed? Question yourself if you've already considered getting likes as an alternative to real life interactions. Understand the reality that life is happening outside the four corners of your screen and that the universe is practically begging you to cooperate.

Never miss a chance of self-improvement. Whether on social media or real life, remember that it is not merely 'being ourselves' that matter; it is 'being better versions of ourselves' that count.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Never Giving Up

Yesterday was a hodgepodge  of emotions and phases: disappointment, because my interview didn't turn out well; frustration and self-doubt, because it's been six months and I still don't have a job; longing, because I'm missing someone and I can't do anything about it; concern, because I have bad posture and I'm straining my neck; bloated, because I overeat when I'm depressed; depressed, because I overate; and confused, because I don't know what to do. Fate has continually turned down all my plans and once again, the idealism that school has imbibed me with, is chipping away. Life is indeed harder outside the four walls of the classroom. 

I am happy though that despite all this darkness, a faint glimmer of hope still flickers in the distance. Maybe it's the possibility of going back to school. Or the little encouragements that my family is giving me. One thing I'm sure though is that as long as my faith burns fervently for that one sweet tomorrow, I will never stop believing that things will get better in the long run. I just have to persist and be patient. That golden opportunity is just around the corner.

Monday, September 22, 2014


Facebook has plenty of ways to platform narcissism but I must say, this does take vanity to a whole new level. Here's a list of twenty random facts about me.
1. I like words that begin with the letter C (e.g. cake, chocolate, cookie, carrot, cucumber, cashew, croissants, etc.)
2. My favorite color is salmon.
3. I use red ink whenever I write on my journals. I feel like I'd jinx an entire year if I use another color.
4. I have unibrows. Though they're not that obvious.
5. My dream travel destination is Berlin. But I've always wanted to travel to the Mediterranean too.
6. I don't normally get excited with new movies because I like old films better (but that doesn't mean that I don't like new movies okay?). 'My Fair Lady (1964)' and 'Moonrise Kingdom(2012)' are my favorites.
7. My favorite book is Haruki Murakami's 1Q84.
8. I like algebra.
9. I can't live without coffee.
10. I can't draw horses.
11. I'm only 5'4 and 1/2" and that's sad.
12. I could eat lumpia and chopsuey all day.
13. My favorite book in the Bible is James. And my favorite verse is Psalm 118:14.
14. I love Lanvin and Prada. Alber is a poet. Muccia is a goddess.
15. Of all the chess games we played, I've only beaten my thirteen-year-old cousin twice.
16. Frustrated writer.
17. I was born at dawn (5:00AM).
18. I'm such a fraidy cat. You know I like you if I'd agree to watch scary movies with you.
19. I'm bashful. I don't normally talk to people I don't know unless they talk to me first.
20. I will never be part of a rock band because I have zero music skills. 

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Good Morning

Laziness thrives so well when the weather's like this - cold, wet and velvety. The deep slumbers of night haven't left your eyes yet, but intuition and itinerary dictate you to get up from the heavenly bed sheets. Sluggishly, you float to the kitchen and make your first sip of creative fuel. And you sit here, in front of a white canvas, waiting for words to spill from your hands. Creativity is elusive when you're in this mood.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Atalanta 365

Waking up on Atalanta 365 is not a good experience. For one, you wake up seeing stars. Literally. The ship has this giant glass roof that covers the entire upper residential deck, and if it was your first time waking up here, you'd get seriously disoriented. I know I did the first time.

Ever since leaving dystopian Earth on 2074, humanity as we know it shrugged daylight aside like it was a thing of the past. Considering the caliber of invention and innovation humanity has by this time though, I cannot help but wonder why scientists and society in general decided to pack flora and fauna and literature and the arts first before considering taking daylight on this journey towards New Earth. I am enraged to be extremely honest. I mean, I know we can't drag the Sun along but couldn't we at least invent a sun-like device that filters daylight into this ship? Those are definitely better than all these white luminescent lamps. And my skin needs actual Vitamin D for crying out loud.

Two, because waking up entails another 'day' of mediocrity. If you're a kid who likes virtual games and stuff, then another 'day' would mean another day of endless hours playing Mintendo or Super Flavio or whatever. Or if shopping's your thing, you can always go to the upper and lower deck malls and sip $500 Moonbucks frappe while you're ogling boys and their pets or whatever. But if you're a person like me who's read every single digital book in your virtual library, then another 'day' entails another day of waiting for your favorite authors to publish their newest literary concoctions. Waiting can be such a booze right?

And third, because this cosmic journey is a test of patience and perseverance. Humanity has been sailing space for three years, four months and twelve days now, and New Earth is still over eight years to reach. I wonder if I'd be dead by then. I mean, I could commit suicide out of sheer mediocrity and desperation you know. But still. I wonder if I could live for the next eight years waking up seeing stars.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Proofread Before You Post

I came across a contemplation-inducing tweet one time when someone I follow on Twitter posted something about missing his 'succulent hair'. Now I am not claiming supremacy in the grammar and correct usage arena, but if my memory serves me right, succulent, as an adjective, means tender and juicy and tasty, and should never, under normal circumstances, be used to describe hair.

I posted an indirect tweet about it but the guy got angry and accused me of being a grammar Nazi and all. He even said that it was his 'personal interpretation'. I was enraged. If English was indeed subject to 'personal interpretation' then it wouldn't be long enough before people start describing mountains as cute.

We should really begin to think of grammar and correct usage as a way of packaging personal identities. We live in a generation with unlimited means of broadcasting individual activities. The quantity of social media feed we get exposed to everyday makes it even more important that we become clear and concise with the information (or musings) we share.

Be an effective communicator. We wouldn't want people to think that our hair is some avant garde pasta dish, right?

Monday, September 15, 2014

Dear Maria*

It is unfortunate that you live in a generation where documenting the food you eat and the movies you watch are more relevant than the things you learn in school; where there is a collective hate for the mathematics and the sciences; where reality shows thrive like wide fire; and where copying and pasting seem to be the norm. It is unfortunate, that's why I'm challenging you to not drift with this current.

I challenge you to document the books you read. Not to show off, but to keep track of how long you've gone in the road to literary enlightenment. Read not to know a story, but to enjoy how a story is told. Learn to savor words and examine characters that are as rich and fabled and complex as yourself.

Choose the films that you watch. Do not be blinded by special effects and computer graphics. Watch films with great stories to tell. Indulge in arts and culture. Get lost in literature. Keep a journal and write poetry. Stimulate your brain. Feed your brain.

Do not hate algebra Maria, as many have in the grueling road of education. Norwegian Wood (I hope you read this by now) teaches us that sometimes the real point of subjects is not concrete application, but rather, training in systematic thinking. Algebra is the bible of problem solving. Don't ever forget that.

Maria, nourish your faith. Because faith plays a great role in the paths that you will later choose in life. It dictates the kind of values that you will treasure, and the kind of vices that you should never entertain. Therefore, pray. Live upright. Honor God. Faith will teach you how.

You're a smart girl Maria. I know well that you can do great things in the future.

Love, Kuya (September 2014)
*Maria is my cousin. She'll celebrate her eleventh month on the 19th.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Berlin in 2023

Berlin Cathedral (Berliner Dom)*

I realize that I should now start preparing for my grand Berlin vacation when I turn 30. The German capital, after all, is an expensive city and considering my current status, it is important that I first make myself financially stable to ensure that my "Berlin in 2023" experience will push through.

1. Prepare passport and visa.

2. Learn to speak German. Because duh.

3. Know the country's climate. If the visit happens to be in winter, prepare for the cold weather. Buy coats, boots, gloves, and a hot boytoy (if boyfriend is unavailable) to keep you warm.

4. Prepare itinerary. Know the best dining, shopping and lounging spots. Never miss a museum experience!

5. Learn self-defense. You'll never know if you might need to compete for a nice Jil Sander bag.

6. Buy a camera. Something with large memory space. Because you can't brag about things without proof.

7. Money. Have lots of money. Be sure that you can afford to stay in Berlin after nine grueling years of hardwork. You don't wanna spend your entire life savings on a three-day vacation. But if you've already won the lottery by then, by all means spend.

Friday, September 12, 2014

another afternoon

whirlpools of the blackest coffee,
an ode to this desperation 
saccharine thoughts on love affairs
plus a magical arrangement of strings
Sufjan Stevens sings about swans 
because some things never happen 
your tongue sets fire as you sip the cup
you were careless
love bites when you're careless

Thursday, September 11, 2014


  1. Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
  2. Anna Karenina (2012)
  3. 500 Days of Summer (2009)
  4. Juno (2007)
  5. Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
  6. Cinderella Man (2005)
  7. Paperman (2012)
  8. Lorenzo's Oil (1992)
  9. Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
  10. My Fair Lady (1964)
  11. Spirited Away (2001)
  12. Sleeping Beauty (1959)
  13. The Atonement (2007)
  14. War Horse (2011)
  15. The Sound of Music (1965)
Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom is currently my favorite film. The cinematography is beyond artistic and besides, who wouldn't like a film that tackles and poetically delivers the innocence and impulsiveness of young love?

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Note to Self

The thing with frustrations is that you must never bottle them up. Because the longer they stay stored, the higher the chances that they will burst out into the open and hit anyone within range. It is crucial therefore, and I mean essential for survival and building harmonious relationships, that you device healthy ways of venting out all these negativity.

Indulge in the arts. Get lost in literature. Make music. Collect stamps. It doesn't matter. Just do something. Do not let your frustrations, stresses and depressions rule your universe.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

On Fashion

*This is not my illustration.*

My aesthetics as a wannabe designer began with red carpet and pageant dressing featuring billowing volumes of pastel chiffon and a generous amount of embellishments. My designs were amateur, drawing inspiration generally from haute couture, fashion week photos and basically copying other designers' vision for the season (usually Valentino, Elie Saab, Dior and Versace). It was a terrible case of not knowing who I am and who my woman is.

Recently though, when the worlds of Dries Van Noten, Alexander Wang, Kenzo, Balenciaga, Lanvin and Givenchy clashed in my temples, I become acquainted with the woman I want to dress. Judging from these great aesthetics, I've come to terms with the reality that everyday women do not always go to red carpet events.It is important therefore that I design clothes that women can be practical with; clothes than girls can move around in; clothes that can transcend from sunrise to sunset, street to chic; and more importantly, clothes that make the woman feel good.

It took a considerable amount of contemplation and training to shift my focus from evening wear to everyday wear though because I can never really give up on sparkles (I mean, let's face it. I'm gay). The solution therefore was a clash of evening and everyday.

So far my designer dreams are in a cupboard bound to be entertained in the future. No fret though. I wouldn't want it to come out when I still don't know how to pattern clothes.

Saturday, September 6, 2014


  1. Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
  2. 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
  3. The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami
  4. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami
  5. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
  6. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
  7. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
  8. Stardust by Neil Gaiman
  9. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
  10. Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton
Before you judge me, I can explain the Murakami. One, I am a member of his cult and two, is that most of the books in my reading list are his works. (I am crediting the past two years of rummaging the interwebs for pdf versions of his novels. Thank you God for the internet.)

The other titles on the list are favorites that I can never forget. I would have included classics if I had the patience for The Great Gatsby or Anna Karenina or The Brothers Karamazov or a Jane Austin. But anyway, it is what it is.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Illustrations: Lolita

Drawing No. 2: Lolita (299 x 305 mm)
Oil pastel, colored pencils, gel ink pens and crayons on oslo.

Lolita materialized after a frustrated attempt at handling watercolors last night. The longer I stare at it though, the more I realize its imperfections. But that is okay because perfection is boring. I like to believe that there is still so much to be improved with my illustrating skills.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Daydreams and Night Dreams

I find it difficult to write about things that I haven't experienced. Which is probably why the fictions that I have written - including an attempt at writing a fairy tale - remain unfinished, tacky and downright ambitious. I like imagining things. I like spurting out creative juices. But I don't want to lie about things and feelings and emotions that I haven't experienced.

That's why sometimes I prefer to write about dreams - daydreams and night dreams. Because no matter how unreal or surreal they may be, the visions are real and honest to me. The process is very much like sharing stories to other people. Except that these stories are dreams. And they are real experiences. And I get to be honest about how I feel whenever I write about these things.

It is also during these ruminations that I appreciate the genius of authors who can pour themselves (or a facet of themselves, or an imagined persona) into a fictional character. Not that I can't. I can. I just find it difficult . And I don't know if my skills are mature enough to finish an entire write up filled with imaginings.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Post No. 337

Maybe all this mindless documentation on social networking sites is our psychological response to the realities of death and mortality? That maybe deep inside the abyss of our subconscious is a desire to be immortal? That maybe we are all just little Hansels and Gretels leaving bread crumbs on the tracks of the deep forests life has forced us to succumb to?

Thursday, August 28, 2014

The Reading List

The following is the list of books that I've yet to digest.
1. Daniel Handler - Why We Broke Up
2. Haruki Murakami - After Dark
3. Haruki Murakami - Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman
4. Haruki Murakami - Dance, Dance, Dance
5. Haruki Murakami - Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World
6. John Boyne - The Boy in Striped Pajamas
7. John Green - An Abundance of Katherines
8. John Green - Paper Towns
9. Lewis Carroll - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
And that's not including Murakami's Kafka on the Shore, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle and 1Q84 that I plan to reread, the blogs that I follow, and the number of online news columns that I have to cope up with daily. I am fervently hoping that modern society gives birth to an occupation called 'professional reader' because I would definitely be one of the first who will line up for it. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Flower Crowns and Frustrations

The past few days passed seamlessly without interruption. Television. Internet. And a whole lot of blogs and music to keep me company. The downside is that I'm getting more and more frustrated over the sameness of my everyday. Unemployment, the mundane and the everyday financial issues I encounter are enough to make  this head explode into bowls of cereal. 

One highlight last weekend though was a DIY-ed flower crown I crafted using gypsophilia and some white blossom that I don't know what to call. It was a beautiful affair really. And the wilting petals added a sense of depression, desolation and dryness that weaved perfectly well with the depression, desolation and dryness that I was going through. The light on the matter was that I was able to vent my dark thoughts into something creative which is probably the healthier option compared to slitting wrists and suicide - both of which I'm currently not entertaining (and in the future, hopefully).

Frustrations really can take the better off people but the good news is that venting these thoughts healthily is something that can be learned if the person is truly willing. Sometimes, all you really need is a deep breath and a whiz of creativity.

Friday, August 15, 2014


Dear Lord, my Almighty Father,

Thank you for the gift of today. Thank you for making me realize how short life is and how important it is to value every single moment of existence. Thank you for the gift of humility, of humbling me by the truth that life has no value if I cannot live it right. Thank you for the blessings that you continually share to me despite my many shortcomings.

Lord, I know that You are a forgiving God but I also understand that You are a just God, that You shall give what is due and righteous.  So I am praying that You will forgive me Lord; for the mistakes that I have committed; my failures; and of not doing the things I am supposed to do.

Lord, I pray for good health - for me, for my Mom, my family and everyone I know. I pray for patience and perseverance-that in everything I do, help me understand that some blessings in life take time and requires consistent effort. I pray for wisdom-that I will be smarter and wiser in the decisions that I will make in my life. Do not let me be lead astray Lord. I pray for charity-that I will be more generous not only through finances, but also through my time and efforts. I pray for peace-world peace and peace of heart, that I will hold no grudge in my heart and let go of the angers and insecurities I have inside me. And most of all, I pray for faith-that my faith in You will never falter despite everything that I have to go through in this life. I trust in You Lord. I know that You will never leave me.

All these things I ask and pray through the mighty name of Jesus, Your son, my God and savior. Amen.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Why You Gotta Be So Rude?

August is alive and the new month calls for fresh tracks to update my playlist. Re-acquaintance seems to be the major theme for the past few days as I find myself browsing through old-ish songs. But of course, the thrill of finding new artists isn't a zero this month.

The list of reunions begin with Russian Red's Cigarettes and The Memory is Cruel. Both are perfect for ramen ruminations while you contemplate on lost love and tobacco urges. Cider Sky's Fall, Ingrid Michaelson's You and I and Russian Red's Fuerteventura are on the opposite side of the former spectrum and are the ultimate August anthems for lovers on a euphoric rage. Also, Lena's 2012 Stardust is the newest album I downloaded after the goosebumps I felt after relistening(?) to the first single. The entire 41 minutes is filled with bursting optimism and love that are promising to be playlist mainstays.

Akdong Musician's 200% is first on the fresh list. The Korean duo's bubbly beats and vocals is refreshing after a moody July fueled with Lana del Rey's Ultraviolence. On the OPM side of the equation, Luigi D'Avola's interpretation of No Girlfriend Since Break is the ultimate replay rapist. Trust me. It's LSS-inducing. The winner for me this month, however, is Magic!'s Rude. It's reggae, sexy and definitely good to listen to.

Monday, August 11, 2014

A Retrospect

The Princess Who Dreams started out as a little story I'm planning to tell my 10-month old cousin when she gets old enough to comprehend stuff. Now though that the story is slowly taking form, the original five part plan is becoming less and less feasible. Not that I'm planning to write a novel or anything but I just realized how difficult it really is to write something lengthy and organized.

It certainly takes a whole lot of brain squeezing to write anything these days. Well anyway, how do you write a lengthy, five-part-ish series guys? Because really, I don't know what will happen next.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Knight

Chapter Three: The Knight

Three days after the handsome Prince's journey home, a Knight came to the kingdom. He was a weathered man and his face carried the air of battle. His eyes have seen the carcass of war, the grief it gave to women and children, and the desolation it casts to men who fought the battles. He had seen so much, yet he understood the necessity of war. Sacrifices have to be made to show superiority. Rebels must be tamed and enemy states must learn to bow down to the alphas. This greater good though, requires power. A mere knight can only follow the orders of a king.

And so he has come to become king. A feat smaller in scale compared to the grander scheme he and the Soothsayer have devised. The Knight is a man who believed in witchcraft and magic, and he understood the necessity of employing the dark arts to serve as advantage to the games he's undertaking. The Soothsayer therefore, was one indispensable man in his quest for greatness.

The Princess, the Soothsayer has said, had a special gift that enabled her to create worlds with her mind. It is that gift that he's planning to utilize.  How? He does not know. But he understood that sacrifices must be made: for the greater good; for the flourishing of civilization; for the proper taxonomy of human society.

"Greetings your Majesty."

The Knight smiled. The game has begun. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

The Princess and The Prince

Chapter Two: The Princess and The Prince

News of the Princess' fate spread like wildfire across the land. Enemy states chuckled at the kingdom's conundrum, while the friendly ones sent for help. One such help came in the form of a Prince from a faraway land called Arabia.

"Your Majesty," the Prince said to the Princess. "I have come to win your heart and make you smile again. 'A thing of beauty is a joy forever' is it not? The beauty that I have will shine upon you everyday and your days will be as pretty as daffodils."

Truth be told, the Prince was indeed a handsome lad and the ladies of the kingdom giggled at his might. His flaxen hair were of golden shade, like rays of sunshine were trapped in his follicles to bring warmth to any lady present. His skin was brown as chocolate and his suit and armor were of the finest silk and silver.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Princess Who Dreams

Chapter One: The Princess Who Dreams

Once upon a time, there lived a Princess who dreams. Now the kingdom that the Princess lived in was a terrible place, a vision of grey and ash and sadness, so the Princess used her special gift to escape from the everyday that she sees.

In her dreams, life was technicolor. Meadows run green and golden, and the endless fields were dotted with poppies and peonies, dandelions and daffodils, gypsophila and euphorbia, in a multitude of colors the people of the kingdom can never imagine. In her dreams, the night was dark blue and even the tiny stars that shimmered were diamonds that adorn the velvet sky.

The Princess loved dreaming so much that she became sadder and sadder every time she wakes up. She became impatient for night and slumber that until one day, she stopped smiling except in sleep.

The King and Queen were deeply concerned. They loved their daughter so much that they would do anything just to see her happy with them again. Thousands of the funniest clowns and jesters were called to entertain the princess, five hundred pretty dresses were bought, two hundred and fifty banquet nights were held, but to no avail. The princess only smiled in her sleep.

Friday, August 1, 2014

August Goals

A fresh new month unfolds today and I'm hoping that this new month also unfolds a new chapter in my already mediocre and sedentary existence. One, I'm praying that fate will finally smile at me and officially hand me employment. I'm tired of my Mom blabbering about my lack of financial contribution in our household. Seriously.

Also, I'm seeing August as the start of a workout spell. I'm planning to finally do push-ups and pull-ups, but of course with my current health status, I believe I should first see my doctor to recommend appropriate exercises for me. I'm know I'm not getting any younger and the older I get, the harder it's gonna be to burn all this fat away.

I also need to pump up my motivation. And slap myself with self-discipline. And kill the laziness away. Otherwise I'm gonna be a fat slob couch potato -something I don't wanna be.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Post No. 334

Will be on temporary hiatus. Our computer's down and until it gets fixed, I think I won't have a cost-free blogging experience. I'm not really into blogging at local cafes at the moment but who knows, I might, out of sheer desperation. This may also give me the chance to reconnect with myself and to possibly write stuff not related to life after graduation and unemployment. Haha. Will try to update as much as I can. Cheerio.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Practicality and Passion

The problem is that I am a terrible case of mismatch. I am an Accountancy graduate yet my life passions seem to gravitate not towards accounting, taxation and finance, but towards the creative arts - fashion design and illustration, reading literature (and writing, I hope), music and the uncanny savvy for anything artistic. Basically, what's inside me is a raging battle between practicality and passion, two major galaxies that are bound to converge, bump, and probably, supernova into each other as my life continues.

One life goal though is to get a regular nine-to-five job at an accounting firm, have a fashion design business on the side that I can entertain at night and on weekends, and hopefully, a weekly column on a newspaper (or monthly, if we're talking magazines).

I just hope my future self gets to balance these two swirling galaxies though and hopefully, upon reading this five or ten years from now, laugh at the silly fuzz I made over these matters.

Friday, July 11, 2014

In the Mood For

In the mood for coffee, black as night, whirlpools of intellectual stimulation. In the mood for sunsets, dash of amber and magenta and blush and lilac interweaving in the twilight by the beach. In the mood for sketching strokes of black and grey against an immaculate canvas. In the mood for head wraps, crisp white, clinical. In the mood for Lena, soft tunes staged on guitars and stardust. In the mood for chatter, endless, mindless, pointless.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

The Up Side

The endless days of unemployment, no matter how anxious and penniless these may be, has reacquainted me with my readings. I finally finished 1Q84 this summer - after a grueling ten months of devouring in-between classes - so I took the opportunity (out of sheer boredom and desperation) to finally read other titles.

Collectively, the experience is surreal. Day after day of endless literature is enough to make me happy. Now if only I get paid to read all this.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

School Blues

Truth be told, I miss school. Because right now all I know is that I am endlessly waiting for a job opportunity that just might need heavenly interventions just to push the right buttons. It's heartbreaking when people force you this cookie-cutter version of what graduates should be - the graduate-college-and-immediately-land-a-job types - but the truth is, life after graduation is a gradient of multiple colors of confusion. Education drugged me with idealism. But idealism is not a concept that real life is very familiar about after all and I can definitely feel it slowly chipping as the July rains wash and erode it away.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Three Months After

Mom's pressuring me to have a job and I can't blame her. Three months after graduation, my status inside this house is slowly gravitating towards 'parasite' and the extra bills they have to pay for my electric consumption is not helping.

Truth is, I'm trying very hard. I've been sending application letters everywhere and I've done the best that I can to make my resume creative and memorable. It seems though that my efforts are lackluster and over the weeks, I am considering the reality that maybe my timing is not right. The last few weeks of May is probably not hiring season and the companies simply cannot afford to hire someone off-season and somebody who's practically a greenhorn in the banking industry.

I have no choice though but to keep pushing. Pessimism will do me no good and besides, I still haven't tried applying for government agencies, lending corporations and call centers. I guess I'm just gonna have to push my luck and see where it leads me.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Dear Superman

I don't know what to say, first of all. Or rather, I don't know how to begin with the things that I should say. I know I should say I'm sorry for being unable to visit you, but frankly, I don't know if it's okay to actually visit you. Your Mom does not know the past we shared and I'm not sure if she'd very much welcome the notion considering the circumstances. So I'm sorry for my incapacity.

If it comforts you, I'd like to tell you that I've long forgiven you. Not because of your current condition, but because I already have a long time ago. We were young. We were immature. And youth and immaturity sometimes make very bad combinations. Love back then was a tiny flicker and a little wind was enough to extinguish the flame. So don't carry the burden anymore. I've already left the baggage somewhere along the road to where I am right now.

Along that road though, I've come to realize that love doesn't really end. That although the flames of our previous romance are long extinguished, a little warmth is still there, provoked by small incoherent things like smiles, or sepia windows, or memory. The reality is that the love I had for you was a real kind of love; the kind that doesn't go away but simply sits in a corner somewhere deep in my heart; the kind that maintains it's passivity despite me finding another great love.

What I'm trying to say is that you should get better soon. Because it will break my heart if anything bad will happen to you. Not because I still want you back. But because I know that over the years we've cultivated a friendship that I'm not ready to end yet. So get better soon. We are praying for you.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Musings While Lana Sings

Beginning your mornings with Lana del Rey's haunting Ultraviolence is decidedly a bad idea. Mostly because the first seven songs are designed to make you think that you're high and minutely because waves of depression, anxiety, nostalgia and pain for breakfast will never be healthy. Yet here you are, consuming the tunes like coffee, permeating your universe.

Contemplation draws you to the conclusion that you like solitary activities and its varying nuances. You like talking to yourself and exploring the choreography of the different layers of galaxies buried inside you. And you like dancing with yourself - that slow rhythmic head banging as the guitars on West Coast string the remaining hours of morning away.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

On Boredom and Killjoys

Last night my Facebook feed came across a social butterfly dubbing us with zero night life as killjoys. Like seriously, has society dictated the population that solitude and choosing to stay at home on Fridays and weekends make somebody sad and boring?

Well maybe it does. But not necessarily. The perception of boredom actually depends on the level of interest one extends on others. The activities of one person may be placid and passive but not necessarily boring just because you have a glitzy social life and that others chose to bury their heads on books and music and stuff you'll never be interested in.

It helps to be a little more open-minded because generally speaking, myopia is never good.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Post No. 315

When you're all alone and you've got nothing to do, it helps to just sit down and write something. Not only does it relieve you from your apparent boredom, it also keeps you on track with what's going on in your head. Personally, I like writing. It keeps my thoughts organized and frankly, with all the thinking that I must do these days, I need all the help I can get to sort things out.

The minus in my writings though is that I think I am too engrossed with my universe. Like the spirals of galaxies inside have kept me preoccupied and insensitive to issues that are outside my realm. Maybe it's time to reach out and write about social issues.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Swallowing Elephants

Washing my clothes and getting my hands submerged in froth almost always remind me of how much Accountancy is ill-suited for somebody who is as creatively inclined as me. Logic and imagination just don't usually mix and I spend most of my days idly building castles, utopias and stuff.

But then again, doing my laundry also almost always gets me thinking of the speech that I will deliver come Testimonial Night after I pass the CPA Board Examinations. Most of the time, it involves bragging about graduating valedictorian twice but mostly, to show that college was a humbling experience, that Accountancy slapped me in the face and showed me that I'm not most intellectual person in the cosmos. Strangely, I always complain about choosing Accountancy yet I've always had a hidden desire for adding the coveted CPA to my name.

Passing the board exam for somebody like me though is like being a boa constrictor attempting to swallow an elephant. It may take a whole lot of muscle stretching and bone crushing before I actually swallow and digest the library of topics needed to pass the exam.

Oh well. Serves me right for choosing elephants over gazelles or zebras or guinea pigs or whatever.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Beauty and Cat Thoughts

Of all the movies that Disney has spilled all over the quantumverse, the 1959 classic Sleeping Beauty is my utmost favorite. Mostly because the protagonist's name, Aurora, means dawn and I was birthed at 5AM which basically gives me unconditional rights to parallel myself to this fairytale and assume that I am also a beauty that horned witches will curse for and valiant princes will die for. And also, because it teaches us the valuable lesson that sleep is very important because you just might, just might, be kissed and roused by a handsome prince you just met yesterday.

* * * * *

In other news, I want a cat and I shall call it Moccasin. And it should be orange. Golden orange. Like flakes of sunshine trapped in its hair. It should have an unquenchable craving for milk which would explain the softness of its fur, the deep emerald of its eyes and its subtle meows. It should have soft paws and an uncanny savvy for purple yarn.

Thursday, May 22, 2014


I don't really know if I should blog my medical status considering how public online platforms can get but I suppose there's nothing wrong with saying a tiny bit of what I can share. After all, I still consider myself a private person and I don't like people I know prying over my life.

For one, my December cyst is no longer existing (or never actually did) as my recent ultrasound showed. This is good news considering my family's cancer history. Of course, this can never account for my entire body but that is something worth being positive about.

Secondly, I am absolutely not allowed to carry anything heavy and have coughs and constipation. Exerting effort is a no no. Otherwise I will have to lie down on an operating table and I'd like to delay that as much as I can considering how financially challenged we are at the moment.

This lifestyle change calls for a certain degree of passivity. The one that requires reading books, sitting all day, drinking tea and imagining the active days that lay beyond the oblivion of yesterday.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Tame the Bird

Twitter is killing my capacity-or what's left of my capacity- to construct cohesive paragraphs. It encourages me to multithink and multitask that even if I'm actually writing this right now, I'm also thinking about starched white shirts draped on clotheslines against a backdrop of a cerulean sky. Or maybe grey. And flower crowns that women wear and worthless thingamajigs.

The point is, I'm trying so hard so whip a decent literary confection right now but all I can do are mostly short phrases, like cupcakes or macaroons, which I hope are edible enough. And now tables of baked brownies and polvoron are floating overhead.

Maybe I'm just hungry. And this black hole of a stomach is sucking all the juices I have that enables me to write anything.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

On Death, Again

Death is a consequence of mortality and every second is a slow dance towards decomposition. As my law teacher has put it, "death is not news" (for which later he added that "not dying is"). Death is the completion of one's life cycle. To die, therefore, is not an issue after all.

However, human as we are, we are scared of death, or of what happens after death. We're scared of missing out on things; not being able to read the books you've always wanted to spend forever with, not being able to star gaze on dark, cloudless nights, not seeing the laughter of children, or particularly your baby cousin that you love so much. We're scared of parting. Of saying goodbye to people, habits and experiences. Of assigning to oblivion the things you've always wanted to tell someone but never had the chance to.

Death is an everyday reality. Life is a slow dance towards that reality. Therefore dance with as much grace as you can. Extend your limbs. Improve your posture. Commit to memory the choreography that you're set to do. And most of all, make that ending spectacular.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Summer Anthems

Still waiting for this though.

Recently, The 1975 has casts spells of wild indie pop/rock abandon to my being. Girls and Robbers are playlist mainstays but the most recent replay rapist was most definitely Settle Down with it's undying upbeat inclinations. It's one of those songs that just makes you just wanna grab a bottle of beer (even if you don't normally drink on weekdays) and light cigarettes (even if you don't really smoke), while you're silently nodding your head to the endless loop of awesome.

Another spellcaster was Pharrell William's Come Get it Bae (UNQLO's campaign ost). Pharrell's falsettos on his new album, G I R L were orgasmic with most of the songs gravitating towards the predecessors Happy and Marilyn Monroe. Paloma Faith's A Perfect Contradiction is also another mainstay on my summer playlist. Can't Rely On You (written by Pharrell) easily became my favorite song on the album.

Lana del Rey's West Coast (from her upcoming album Ultraviolence) however won the crown for most replays. The siren's lullaby is perfect for a moody solo beach adventure while you're showing off your nonexistent tattoos and beautifully emoting while the waves of the sea submerge you to a deep abyss of contemplation.

And of course, any playlist will never be complete without a Beyonce song on the loop. The only difference is that it's a 2003 track titled Baby Boy that adds shimmies to my already awkward dance moves.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

On Death

Death is not the cessation of life. Rather, it is the completion of life. That sublime moment when life comes full circle, when A becomes ash, when the birds that sowed the pollen that fed your mother meets the birds that will later eat the worms that will decompose the body.

Death is not the end. Rather, it is the beginning of something none of us could ever imagine.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Dear Nanay Deb

Rest in peace. May eternal slumber alleviate you from the pains of battling breast cancer and its many complications. Seeing you cry and wail in agony as the silent tentacles of cancer envelope your body was too painful that your recent state is, pardon the term, a relief for most of us. We love you Nanay. And we hate seeing you suffer.

We love you.

Never forget that. In the same way that we will never forget you. Your consistent reminders for us to get our acts straight; to eat vegetables; to uphold what is true and just; and to keep the family together, will always be with us.

It was a good life Nanay. That's one good reason for all of us to smile.

Yours truly,

The people who love you.

Saturday, April 19, 2014


Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul 
Shadows on the hill
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land 

Friday, April 11, 2014

The Name Game

For quite a while now, I've been thinking of the universe and it's spectrum of theories and magic. Nothing scientific really. But just pure, solid and sordid thinking that just spurts out of this addled brain in between day to day engagements. To put it simply, I am speculating.

Not that I am claiming the absolute for all of this; I'm hardly hypothesizing because there are no hard core facts in hand - nor do I want to venture in gathering such evidence for these claims too. It's just that recently, I am having a hard time remembering names.

Names have always been forgettable to me especially those of the characters in the films and series that I watch, or the constellation of ebooks I currently have at my disposal. I remember the characters, the Hitchcock blonde that got murdered while she was showering, or that guy who lost his wife and spends time on the bottom of a dry well to fix his marriage and find his wife, or that Audrey Hepburn incarnation that goes on a Roman holiday, or that Sputnik Sweetheart girl, but I completely forget their names. Like names to me are nothing but factors of social significance for the characters in the things I immerse in and have as much relevance as, maybe a dodo-patterned wallpaper on a historical novel about African tribes (?). Get my gist?

Well imagine that and apply that to real people in my life outside these cyber spaces. Imagine talking to the girl who's been forever taking care of your Nanay's house and completely forgetting what her name is. Imagine talking to your classmate and having a hard time conjuring who she actually is. It's a tip-of-the-tongue phenomena. Which boils down to my theory that maybe the universe inflicts a karma-induced form of individually torturing people (well not physically, but mentally). Or maybe not karma-induced but claim-induced. That once you claim it, you own it?

Nymphomania. Insomnia. Depression. That slight twitching of your right eye that just won't stop.  Arachnophobia. Forgetfulness. And a lot of -nias, -sions and -phobias.

But of course I may be talking about something that is of little relevance. I do remember names of people that I am very close to and there are certain protagonists and antagonists that I will never, ever forget. Holly Golightly. Sabrina. Percy Jackson. Aomame and Tengo. Erza, Natsu and the gang. Ted. Barney. Finn and Jake.

And to quote that long-haired guy from The Hobbit: "It's his excessive consumption of mushrooms that has addled his brain and yellowed his teeth." But in my case, it's not edible fungi. It's coffee. Or seem some evil universal manifestation of that.