Sunday, June 30, 2013

Will Be On Hiatus

Accounting is taking my literary juices away. Will update as much as I can but I can't promise a regular posting schedule when I'm this busy and this focused on a lot of things. I will return, when the time permits me to do so. See you guys ♥

Saturday, June 22, 2013

The Panda Ponderings


Sometimes I get concerned about how you feel about me. Let's be honest, I'm fairly easy to replace with the caliber of suitors you have, and I find it difficult, especially now when I am in a position that losing you could be a fatal mistake.

You're just especially difficult to read and your approach of un-expressiveness  sometimes makes me pause from all the waltzes and music that I am in when I am with you.

I can see something in your eyes though, that quiet spark of trivial happiness, or maybe amusement when you look at me. I know how difficult our situation is right now and in the very near future, but do know that I will be patient and understanding. I will be waiting. Patiently waiting.

Love, Rei.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Afraid


Please don't leave me hanging.
Because if you do, then it will be very difficult for me to pull myself back together again.
I'm scared to be in the same position I was in a few months back.
Yes, I've grown stronger and wiser in many life decisions, yet there's still so much to learn, so much to be careful about, and now, I am once again exposed to hurts and heartaches.
This vulnerability scares me to death.
I just don't want to see what I've built all these months to be to be toppled all over again.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Light On The Matter


I love you . More than how much I loved anybody. I love what we have-not a whirlwind, pointless romance, but a slow and sure parade that knows where it's going. Now I know why it's not the same with you. You're better c:

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Mid-Week Update Of Some Sort


I've been living under a fortress these early days of school and my social networking life is a pale ghost that I've shoved in the back of my head only to be resurrected on holidays, weekends and home trips like these. To be honest, living life outside these spaces is a lot more exciting and interesting, that is, minus the sweaty conundrums of living under the sun.

But the pale ghost of a beloved blog to maintain is always a struggle to send away. So here I am. Again. Writing in subversive and placid tones in all shades of gray imaginable. I am happy though that I get to express my thoughts here, or on my journal, since Accounting is a vocation that tends to suppress thoughts of   happiness and golden sunshine. I am inspired to study though and the conviction that I need to propel me towards my goal of becoming a CPA has finally arrived when my cousin passed the board examination last May.

Motivation. Direction. Conviction. A lot of work and a bit of confusion. Leggo, to infinity and beyond!

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Changes, June, and Bombardments


Three hours until this dark spell is lifted-brownout, I sit here in contemplation of the many changes that are about to be realized in my life.

One, I am moving to my Papa's house to make way for my nocturnal classes. Two, the utter lack of internet that I am going to be subjected to. Three, the change in atmosphere in school-because I'm gonna be a fifth year student this semester and I'm gonna start my daily suicide towards becoming a CPA (T__T). Four, the drastic love life issues that may swell, bulge or fizzle away come the nerve-wrecking conversation with him. 

I am scared at the degree of unpreparedness that I am in. And I hate myself for simply giving in to this unpreparedness. It's like I've just allowed life to slap and bombard me with everything. Oh well, you can never really be prepared with life anyway. Fingers-crossed.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Placidity Feels Placid


I miss you. All those days of denial have finally sunk and I am frolicking downwards to an endless whirlpool that leads to who-knows-where. It's a familiar cycle, a repetition of imagery and photographs of a past I once had.

I am gonna be okay. I promise. But until then I am a placid lake bathing in my own bitter waters.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Dazed and Confused



Two days ago, he and I broke up because his guilt consumed him especially since his mother knew about out relationship. No hard feelings. I would've done the same thing had my mother known about us.

Right now though, I'm trying to find the real deal between us. Are we supposed to still be together despite being just friends because all of this is temporary? Or are we supposed to just be friends because there's nothing really more to it?

I have conclusions though which would gravitate towards the latter, but I really don't want to conclude stuff until I get to see and talk to him in person. A fair chance is a square chance after all.