Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Take Me Away

Take me there/
to the place where angels grow their wings
and weaved the blanket of God on the
hays of the manger//
Take me there/
where Shakespeare once were
and juiced his pen on the fountains of inspiration//
Take me there/
where the flowers first learned to blossom
and the grasses have yet filled the meadows//
Take me there/
and nurture me//
But let me fly like the dandelions 
when my seeds are ripe of sowing.
The harvest is mine.//

. . . . . . . .

I want to be a child again.
The mind is less clouded with the dark mists of adulthood.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Models and Zombie Faces

Had five hours of sleep. It's becoming a trend now. With so much more Accounting to keep up with and more school work to do, there's no other alternative for me but to cheat on my sleep and extend my day to 36 hours.

As always, I felt like a working supermodel on the pages of Vogue with less height and more pimples. I woke up feeling my eyebags getting baggier, shoulders weary of yesterday's labor, and myself looking more and more like a drunk zombie on Saturday nights at Fat Cat. 

Fcuk. I'll never get a boyfriend at this rate. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

I Bid the Dandelions Farewell

Things are not working out between us. You think I'm boring and when I crack a joke, you only laugh at my inability to deliver it. You question my interests and often wonder why I spend time blogging or ogling newspapers or being all fashion-ey. When I talk, you won't even listen and I'm puzzled why you couldn't hear me on our conversations when you often complain about me being noisy in class.You even think that it's wrong for me to be gay and that I should hurry up and fix myself otherwise there will be consequences.

What you don't understand is that nobody chooses to be gay. Who in the right mind would want to begin life questioning their identities and live everyday past the bullying and name-callings? Who would want to sacrifice their only chance of finding that one true love over someone of the same sex who's utterly impossible to even talk with?

I can live life not worrying about what other people say. But I cannot continue living knowing that you cannot accept me for what I am.I can change for the better, but I just cannot be that person you're idealizing me to be. This is me. And if you can't deal with it, then...

this is not friendship. This is simply solving multi-colored puzzle pieces from different boxes.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Icing on Top

That Tuesday began with the boy baking bitterness the entire morning. He was generally concerned with what to expect and how to act. It was his birthday and everybody knows that one cannot act normally on special days like these.

With these thoughts properly tucked in his mind, he went to school that day knowing that friends here and there would inevitably greet him a Happy Birthday. He entered his first class but was disappointed when no one, not even his closest friends, remembered his birthday. Religion was gloomy to him that day. And he doesn't even like that subject.

After class, he ran some errands and went back to school feeling down the drain. He felt unimportant and the boy doesn't like that feeling. He was too shy to let his friends know that it was his birthday and that they forgot because he didn't want them to feel that he was making himself too important. Self-pity clouded him and he distracted himself in order to prevent himself from crying.

Come lunchtime when the boy detected weirdness. Something was brewing behind the mist of smiles and un-birthday conversations. He was lead to the school publication's office and it was then that he realized that his friends spent the entire morning getting ready for a  surprise party for him. Nineteen chocolate cupcakes were prepared for him and the boy could only marvel at the thickness of the fluffy icing and the effort his friends did for him. He was elated. He was smiling. He was laughing. His eyes gleamed with joy.

And he was happy. Very happy. It was also his first time to have one whole cupcake splattered on his face.

. . . . . . . .

For Xela, Mayvelin, Reggie, Gee, Maria, Sidney, and Nikko who have been the bestest friends a person could ever have. :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

9 986 400 Minutes and Counting

I fear being forgotten, most of all. I shiver at the thought of years rolling by with nothing but dried flowers and melted candles on top my epitaph but not a human soul visiting nor remembering.

. . . . . . . .

The commonness of this morning enlivened these fearful thoughts. I opened my eyes realizing that I am (considering that I die of old age) a year closer to my grave. How does one act joyously on such special occasions if the mind is plagued by such sordid thoughts?

. . . . . . .

Happy Birthday to me. At least my Mom, cousins and some acquaintances didn't forget my birthday.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Almost 19: My Pre-Birthday Wish

On the 15th I'll be celebrating my 19th year on this planet and like others I too have birthday wishes that deserve to be voiced out. I can only hope that someone will be kind enough to give me this one simple wish.

Hermes Caleche charm bracelet $2375

It's something that I've been lusting on for the past few months. But if you're not really into the bracelet thing, madali akong kausap. Ito na lang bilhin mo para sa'kin.

Hermes Caleche bangle $400/each

It's something that'll definitely make me happy. Haha. And I'm not materialistic. (Slight lang) I just know that these things, if i could have these, will be things that I can treasure forever and that I can definitely pamana these to my children. Pero if I die childless, I'll carry these to my grave kasama na ang mga Louis Vuitton clutches at Hermes Birkin bags that I'll accumulate in this lifetime. (Chos) 

Photocredit - bracelet
Photocredit - bangles

. . . . . . . .

Mabuhay Philippines! on Pacman's win. Though a draw would've been the best decision, we all are proud of Manny's victory. And Marquez is a worthy opponent. For me, he was the better fighter. 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

How do you Chase Balloons?

I am struggling to write a post. The literary soul is departing my body. I miss the times when I can furiously scribble valiant verses without pause and sleep late at night thinking of a fitting title.

How do you continue to write anyway? How does Citybuoy and Evan and Jerron continually supply themselves with stories to tell? How do you breath literature to such commonplace circumstances?

My head is a giant question mark. Maybe my experiences are far behind compared to these writing giants. I don't want to lose hope that I can't be a good writer. Maybe I haven't been writing much.

I am a child fascinated by a giant red balloon floating through the horizon. I want to catch that balloon, but please tell me how. 

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Friday, November 4, 2011

Off With Your Head!

How do you run away from the things that are in your head?

True, Nikko and Gee's suggestion to remove my head would've been logical if it was possible to live without it but I'm sure that all doctors will agree that one cannot live without a head on. Which leads us to the second question, "Is it possible to survive without a body?". Another "duh" question. All carnal desires will only be desires without a body and people will die without a heart. *Duh

Anyway, these fancies aside, my real concern is that my scholarship is still pending. You see ladies and gentlemen, I am from a poor family and without that scholarship, I wouldn't be able to study. Waaah. :O I pray for divine intervention. >.<

Whatever. Don't know what to say. Hoping. Hoping. Hoping. Fingers-crossed.

Dang. I'm a potful of weirdness.