Saturday, January 3, 2015

Distractions and Depressions

Nov. 18, 2014

If only there was an easier way to leave all these insecurities at home and just focus on the review. Having G on the same building, plus my attempts at moving on from E, have seriously distracted me from studying and learning what I must to pass the board exams. It's not like I don't want them around. I just wish that I was strong enough to bury all these feelings in a time capsule and just recover them after May 2015.

Independence, please. I need to realize that they're simply stars and that I have multitudes of galaxies living inside-glowing and growing and giving me warmth.

I feel hopeless, like maybe all those months apart from G haven't got me anywhere. Because looking at him now, I realize that I am still where I was a year ago. And E's already in the equation. And I love E and he's already got a boyfriend. And I'm lost. And lonely. And all of this is a crumpled mess I just can't seem to fix.

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I'm still on review. See you after May!

Friday, January 2, 2015

Maybe The Reason Why I'm Sad

Maybe the reason why I'm sad is because I can't do anything to make things right with you. I feel like I hurt you for no reason because telling you that I rekindled my romance with G was a lie. I realize now that what I feel for him was a physical kind of love. And it was with you, E, that I felt infinite with. We were a cosmic constellation E. And I'm sad because losing you felt like losing my best friend too.

Maybe the reason why I'm sad is because I know that things can never go back to the way they were. Change is consistent. And although I am not comfortable with change, I've no choice but to flow with its waters and just hope that things will get better the next time I wash ashore.

Maybe the reason why I'm sad is because I miss you so bad E. And there's nothing I can do about it.