Recently, my plans to work in Cebu are hanging by a thread. Not because my Mom doesn't want me to, but because it somewhat feels wrong to live my life there. There's this dark cloud looming over the plan and no matter how hard I try to clear my head, the dark cloud just keeps shading on the idea.
For one, I'd miss out on a lot of family stuff if I do work in the Queen City. Secondly, my Mom's old and it somehow feels like running away from my responsibilities if I leave her on her own. She's completely okay with me working there though, and I have cousins who live practically next door, but still.. .Thirdly, working on Cebu feels like I'm chasing a futile love affair. And it feels frustrating because everything seems that way even if I know deep inside that things have changed, that I have changed, and that I've already grown comfortable with the idea of living by myself.
I'm tired of explaining. And convincing myself. And convincing others. It's exhausting. Thinking's exhausting. Everything's exhausting. I'll just let this roll and get it over with. My soul is tired.