Monday, January 20, 2014

The Muffled Thoughts' Delivery


Because it is an odd craving to secrete literature, you unwillingly recycled this tattered old journal to release long-muffled thoughts into the open. Like dark creatures lurking in the shadows for too long, these thoughts are blinded by, and electrified because of, the glaring light of paper and blue ink.

Currently, the thoughts are hurricanes that transverse past each other. One spiral involves jealousy over classmates and acquaintances passing government exams-fellows who have accomplished the grueling task of adding initials to Christian names. Another involves time management issues and celibacy and money matters and relationships-basically, a potpourri of matters that are relevant, but does not call for immediate attention. Still, another hurricane is hurricane of emptiness. Like a black hole that sucks feeling and numbs you, a deep well with a dessert as a bottom.

But nonetheless, these are thoughts-mundane white clouds that float above you, that tickle your fancy and make you write unintentional brain spills on a small mundane blog. But nonetheless, these are thoughts, and as long as you have them, that means your brain is probably still sane.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Brain Blossoms


Eternal boredom at work. And my thoughts are waters that swish and  gurgle as the ego transverses in between layers of numbers and journals and accounting handouts. Mostly, they're about previous love affairs, a deep longing for human flesh - like a ravenous vampire on the prowl; what I did, how we did things, and what we'll do enveloped between timbres of muffled moans- provided the possibility, of course.

Certain times they're about Paris. Seoul. Florence. Bangkok. Timbuktu and some who-knows-where Mediterranean paradise where I sun bathe in everlasting sunshine while the waves of a cerulean sea caress the salt-white shore. And I'd read Murakami in between sips of gold wine as my head rest on the legs of my Greek lover. Euphoria and utopia.

Sometimes though they're about ferocious realities, premonitions, like looking ahead at overcast clouds billowing in the horizon. I'd devise plans to shelter from the storm in certain times. But usually I face these circumstances with resignation, 'bahala na' on the loose.

And with the resignation button pressed on, I once again think of that sea. Endless. Blue. Beautiful. With the sun-kissed vacationer blindly ignoring the dark clouds just ahead.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Anticipations


This year is going to be a year of major changes and challenges. I am set to graduate this March and hopefully, just before my next birthday, I get to pass the CPA Board Examination. It's one nerve-wracking ride and already, the heaviness of the things that I have to do are tingling my skin with fresh weariness.

I am ready to work bitch myself to work though that despite my procrastination tendencies, I know that I'm ready to bitch slap myself to keep up with long overdue goals (looking at the unread/un-reviewed Financial Accounting textbooks).

Also, I've decided to take at least a one year breather from relationships. Boyfriends only provide chaos, unnecessary distractions, while I'm preparing for the board exams. I am well aware that love is like a mushroom that sprouts out of nowhere but as much as I can, I'll dose myself with ample amounts of fungicide. And with that, I guess I'm also sacrificing a budding healthy sex life (charot), unless of course (another charot-haha).

I will be positive that I will surface victorious from all these anticipations though. Faith will grant me optimism. Nothing is really that impossible if you just believe.