Summer vacation has officially began and the looming problems of a bulging tummy and a more circular face has gone berserk. Truth be told, I have the soul for staying slim but unfortunately, stress and growth (damn you hormones) have a way with keeping fats on my otherwise svelte silhouette.
I used to be slim. And the contemplation of that not so long past is heartbreaking. There were days when I just swallow and swallow and swallow and the guilt and excess would just flow freely off to the loo. But these days, the guilt of swallowing has become a hole on my chest. And to resort to bulimia is otherwise an unglamorous option that the idea of eating has become a pain. I love food. And the very fact that food and its corresponding substances love me back hurts.
I fear getting fat. I have this notion that I'll get 300% more unattractive though common sense and a lot of friends would tell me that getting "bulkier" will not change who I am, what I am, and what I do. True. I'm still an awesome and talented person, egocentricity aside, but becoming something that I do not want to be is a shift that I abhor taking. I also have these notions that I'll never get a boyfriend if I get a lot heavier although I know that love isn't limited to the physical. I understand love. I mean I know that it's not shallow at the very least. It's just that I fear that my chances of being with someone will get narrower if I become fatter.
And I'm worried. And depressed. And I also believe that I'm not the only one juggling this issue. Society is such a bitch. And that includes you Karlie Kloss and all you hot slim supermodels.