Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Post No. 159

Three months. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to take you this far. I'm sorry I trampled our perfect start. I'm just sorry Babe. Sorry I ever let you go..

Monday, July 16, 2012


Sometimes a song is enough .

Stargazer, heartbreaker.
Wish you were here.
How will I shine anymore without your atmosphere?
My dear stargazer, don't disappear.
How will shine anymore when you're not here?

You're my every day and the moment I wake up lonely;
You're the only one who can restart for me...
Twinkle twinkle, little dream.

Stargazer, heartbreaker.
Wish you were here.
How will I shine anymore without your atmosphere?
My dear stargazer, don't disappear.
How will shine anymore when you're not here?

Give me a shooting star.
And I'll make a wish, I'll make a wish for you.
How will I shine anymore when you're not here?

Friday, July 13, 2012

That Little Thing They Call Change

Life is a plethora of endings and new beginnings. Just like how a green being sprouts out of the ashes of volcanic lava. Just like how the pupa morphs into those fluttering butter beauties. Or maybe as simple as that haircut you got this morning. 

Change is beautiful. Accept it. Rejoice with it. Change with it.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Old House

What lies beneath your cobwebbed doors?
A house in full abandon
Tortured etchings on the wall,
each stroke, a story, I reckon.

Shattered windows, shy of light,
alley cats that littered
Empty patios, gray and blue,
its once upon a time splendor
muted by oblivion.

Old house, old house
Whatever are you now?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

To Whom It May Concern

Babe (can I still call you that?). 

Una sa tanan, mangayo ko ug pasaylo kay dugay ko nangayo'g pasaylo. I was selfish Babe. Wala nako nahuna-hunaan nga ang mga butang nga gihuna-huna nako nga kakulangon nimo kay agi ra pud sa akong kaugalingong desires. I failed to realize nga dili ra ako akoang needs ang kinahanglang mahatagag pansin, imoa pud. I failed to realize nga duna pud kay struggles. I was too blinded. 

I'm sorry if talawan ko. Nagpalaban ko ug Facebook ug text messages. I'm scared man gud Babe nga if muduol ko nimo, masuko ka nako kay lage, we're supposed to just be friends in public. I'm scared of rejection Babe. Especially if ikaw ang mu-reject nako. 

I'm sorry if giuna nako akong pride ug fears ug entertain. Had I known my mistakes earlier, sayo-sayo pud unta ko niduol ug nangayo'g pasaylo. I'm sorry if I was too late.

And you were wrong Babe, katong niingon ka nga I did not trust you. I always have trusted you, I always have. Pero kanang trust nga imo ginahatag nako, it was continually tested because you were taking me for granted. I'm not jealous of other people, mind you. I'm just jealous of the attention that you gave to other people, that's why wala tika gipansin last week. I wanted you to miss me. I wanted you to text me first.

Maybe wala lang jud ka ka-move on sa imo previous relationships that's why you had trust issues. Pero I want you to know nga I'm not like them Babe. I am better than they are. Why not give yourself the chance to prove to yourself nga dili tanang relationships mu-end up sama sa imong mga previous ones? Why won't you give me the chance to prove that to you? 

Pero who am I to say that di ba? I don't know them. I wasn't the one who got hurt.

I'm not expecting nga mapasaylo daun ko nimo Babe or mawala daun imo kasuko nako. But I want you to know nga dako kaayo akong pagmahay Babe. Dako kaayo. 

And whatever the case may be, I respect your decision Babe.

Love (forever and always),


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Dreaming of Water

Last night I had a dream of brown murky waters. It was a flood that me and my friends bravely passed through. We were riding a truck, like the ones they use to collect garbage, and I remember the strong currents filling it with more water. My bag fell, the messenger, sopping the paper innards. 

The vision changed and I see a car stuck in clear blue mud. I hear someone say that you'd have to dig a particular number of inches to successfully save the car. From my peripheral vision, I could see him, a working scholar of our school tattling about with his yellow shirt on. 

It's strange but the next thing I remember was that I was accompanying my aunt to another aunt's residence. The house was located atop a hill and on the edges of its crevasses was a spring. The same rusty spring we had on our elementary school. It was bubbling-or it bubbled, dunno, the details seem too blurry, and I saw my aunt touch the water and I see the ripple gliding on the surface. I remember wooden monkey bars and the faint color of varnish on its dusty surface. 

The scene shifted to a coffee shop and I saw Superman singing. Maybe it was a school program, the students filled the space outside. He exited the cafe when the song was about to hit the chorus, it was Tagalog and I seem to know the tune but all I can remember were the lyrics. "Ikaw ang pinapangarap ko", he'd look at me, discreetly but with matching gesticulations. I suppressed reacting-but I put my tongue out to react anyway. This was the only waterless part of the dream. 

Then we were in a house, a classmate and I. I remember being in front of the urinal. My classmate was beside me and a strict spinster lady was monitoring us from whatever could happen. I grasped for the tub filled with tap water, dark in my sight, I knew it was clear. The handles were broken so I reached for the pail beside it. My classmate unzipped his pants but before I could see it, the spinster came in. I went out and I remember her face, my Grade 4 teacher.

And then I woke up. I'm not superstitious but the gravity of water images on my dream scared me that I remembered rebuking all of the bad things that could happen. It was 3:00 am

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Of Death, Dreams and Dead Dreams

If you think this is emo, then you're probably right. I am in one of those moments I aptly call "the dark times" and since this is my blog, in case you don't know, I have taken the liberty of pouring down these ungodly shitty thoughts in this online journal.

It's one of those dreary movie-like moments when you arrive home, strip off your stuff and cry in your undies. The worst part is that you realized that you've already done this and you cry even more because of the repetitiveness of your morose existence.

And so, you took that trusty old notebook from your trusty over-used bag and began scribbling the reasons why you're feeling shitty this week. And as you go over all of these tonight, you realized that you can never really do anything about it. You can't blame him for not texting you every single day. You can't blame him for not liking and responding to your posts and not FB chatting you because Facebook, let's face it is not really private. You can't blame him for not "making pansin" of you at school because you did agree to those terms di ba? Terms of staying single-in public at the very least. 

And then you realize that you are at the craziest point of manic desperation. Desperate to move mountains just to stay at his side and shrug of those flirting bitches away but desperate to not look desperate because you don't want him to think you're a psycho which you probably are given the right circumstances.

So you resorted to not texting him first, to make him miss you-which is frankly another desperate move, but refreshing anyway, even if you can't take your eyes off your phone. You decided to keep your distance at school to help him build his single reputation, even if that meant martyrdom-and probably a a set of glasses to be able to spot him easier from afar and finally, you decided to not "make pansin" of him on Facebook even if that meant releasing and refreshing your stalking skills.

Urgh. With all these desperations at sight, you wonder how the title even materialized.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

If Happy Ever Afters Did Exist

His hand, bruised from writing, furiously scribbled. The words came out like carbon dioxide, constant but useless and the pile of crumpled paper on his side keeps getting bigger. 

The light of dawn tiptoes by the window
as she lay in bed-

Nope, did this already. 

The first light touched her temples
as she lays in bed, drowned in oblivion
The dawn, a promise; the fulfillment of a tale
of a beauty that slept with flaxen hair

Good start though. But it's a bit dim for a Disney princess. So he resorted to something a bit more cheery-something Mr. Disney and that mouse would appreciate.

Starlight, moonlight (it always begins with stuff like this), laser beams
accompany her as she travels her dreams.
Heroes and horses, princes and knights
armed with valor, unafraid of night.

True love's kiss, she patiently awaits

But bitterness he thought is a mood killer. Even that Accounting exam sounds better than just wallowing in his sadness while it consumes him inside out. And while Maroon 5 and Adele and that Katy Perry song destroys the life out of his eardrums, he remembers pulling that chair and writing this shit. Sorry he didn't do Aurora justice.
iii: Disney Princesses